Sunday, 13 April 2014

Strong, Please, Two Lumps. I'll Try the Other Attachments Later...

Not a lot of cord on it. Imagine how close you'd have to sit to the wall!

This has been the busiest and most stressful weekend I've had for a long time.  A bit of retail therapy was called for.

This was on sale at the antiques market in town yesterday.

Can you tell what it is?

I'm gonna tell you in a second...

I bet you can't stand the tension...


Oh, all right then.

Well my confuddled readers, what we have there is an Edwardian vibrator. OH spotted what it was. I'm not sure the person selling it even realised, as after we had a giggle with him about it, he started parading it round the other stall holders to show them. It was quite late in the day too. Well, let's face it, not the sexiest of toys is it? It looks more like an electric sander than a source of sublime pleasure. Mind, both sorts of implement involve a bit of DIY.

You can ooh it if you B&Q it?
Wickes: it's got our body fluids on it?

Should you be interested in purchasing your very own antique lady pleasurer (for the pleasuring of antique ladies, p'raps?), it comes with numerous attachments with different materials and textures, and has two settings of 'weak' and 'strong'. There's also 'off', but God knows why you'd need that. And given its antiquity, and that dodgy cord, I can only imagine it still has the power to shock.

We bought something else.
Frugalistas, please look away now, because to cheer me up, OH took me to the cinema. Full price. 3D!!! Was he mad? I can only assume the sight of a hundred-odd year old stimulator had excited him beyond sense. Anyway, we went to see Captain America 2: the Winter Soldier.

For a while, it looked like we would have the cinema to ourselves. Having chosen seats towards the back, OH was a bit dissatisfied with his choice and suggested we move forward two rows. Then, just before the film was about to start, in came another couple. 

Would you believe it? They'd only bought tickets for the seats we'd moved to.

They were fine, "No, don't worry, we'll sit here. No, tell you what, we'll move to the VIP seats, why not?"

And so they moved, and they giggled, and they chatted through the final trailer. They were funny, and we laughed with them. And then the film started. And they didn't shut up. And they were up and down, fetching more snacks, and missing crucial plot points that they had to discuss. In fact it as commentary the entire way through the film. They were very disappointed with the totally logical character development of Bucky.

And because we'd sat in their seats we didn't dare say a thing.

Talk about karma!

But then they left before the post trailer extra bit. So they missed all that.

Karma bit you back in the butt. Ha!

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