Improv, Caterpillars and Frogspawn Jelly

My first attempts at trying to be Felicity Kendall have hit a wall of fail...

Felicity is disappointed with me.

I've been harvesting salad and strawberries from my garden, and gazing with admiration at the yellow blooms on my courgettes, the beanstalks slowly winding their way round the canes, and the leafy promise of my cabbages. Not hugely impressive, but it was a good start.

Then, woe is me - my rocket got a load of flea beetles. They're not even in my gardening books, what the flip do I do with them? To top that, my cabbages are more shrunken and lacy than Beyonce's latest skimpy stage outfit after some sneaky butterflies managed to get under my nets. And an unknown something has been nibbling at my mizuna. I think it was one of these...

Be More Rabbit.

Oh well... I think we can still get a stir fry out of the pre-nibbled cabbages - a small one. Just got to check extra-carefully for the sneaky green caterpillars - they're not as easy to spot as the stripy, spiky ones.

This week I've not done too much in the garden, besides flinging caterpillars to almost certain bird-related death beneath the sycamore tree. Instead, I had a rather cultural weekend. On Friday, I went to see "A Shoemaker Goes to War" at the Northampton Museum and Art Gallery. I learned that the famous Lord Kitchener poster was designed by a Northampton artist - Arthur Leete.

There was a rotating display of poetry by ordinary Tommies that reminded me somewhat of Baldrick's "The Guns of War." Those poor men, trying to find something to make them smile amidst the mud, lice and gore produced these personal writings full of silliness, licentiousness and humour, with bawdy, cheeky language and crude accompanying sketches.  It seems almost unfathomable that the First World War began a whole century ago. They may have been born Victorians, but they still did lad jokes.

It's a good display, so do go and see the exhibition. It's still our museum, even though they've lost their accreditation due to selling off the Egyptian statue - which you may have read about in the news. Some people think they will have made enough from that sale for the accreditation not to matter for the next few years, but that's not the case at all. Selling the statue was all in all, not a good idea, but it's not the fault of the staff there. The museum is still an asset, and the rest of the artifacts must be defended. The Save Our Sekhema Action Group inform us here of why this sets a dangerous precedent and why it's such a bad thing to have happened to the museum.

Also this weekend, I spoke to artist Noah Rose about his forthcoming project in Northampton, Changing Tracks. I am looking forward to learning more about this interesting pan-European public art installation as it develops!

I went to my friend Tom Young's improv night - The Same Faces at NN Cafe and they were just the ticket - extremely sharp and funny.

On Saturday I got to perform myself at the NN Festival, where I kicked off poetry hour along with fellow bards Ruth Harvey Gasson and Peter James Norman, and Bardic founder and stalwart, Justin Thyme. The chilled picnic vibe was occasionally threatened by rain and thunder, but that made for an intimate gig as a load of festival goers dragged bales of straw into the marquee to hear Justin and Peter. It was lovely, and all the acts seemed to go down well. I also  got to hear sets from Leila Jane (gorgeous voice) and the fabulous Retro Spankees.

Spanking good.

My picnic for the occasion was rather less successful... I made some lovely cheese, leek and cumin muffins and a pasta salad with some lemon and berry jellies for dessert. I got the idea from the Co-op magazine, which had the idea of presenting the jellies in pretty glass jars. Unfortunately, the lids seemed to loosen en route, and so I had a sports bag full of lemon jelly. We tried to eat it anyway, after I'd slopped it back into the jars. "Is that frogspawn?" asked a passerby.

Glorious muffins! Just look at the muffins... ignore the frogspawn.

We made a valiant effort, braving the barely set sweet as the only wasp in the field decided he'd like to hang round us. Stupid wasp... it was low sugar jelly.

Anyway, that was all free and lovely... couldn't make it back for day two as I had a lot of work on.

It's been a good week for vouchers, as I made the most of the ones for Morrisons last week, and a couple in the Metro for Subway, Gu and the magazines GQ and Glamour, which I got for £1 each. This was particularly good value as the magazines came with a free razor and moisturiser. Voucher-badgers, look out for the evil Murdoch rag again tomorrow, which apparently has the ones in for free fruit in again. And melons.

Currently babysitting... I've missed Bake-Off as we had to read Asterix and the Olympics. Bloomin' eck... that's more racist than I remembered! Skipped a bit there...

My brother said I could have a glass of fruity home brew cider as a treat. It's lush. Well done, Bro!

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life

A little Eeyore cloud has been following us donkeys Chez Wench around for a short while, so we are doing our best to count our blessings and do some cloudbusting - yeah, like Kate Bush.

One of the best weapons to deploy for this purpose is exercise. I have made an effort this week to do a bit of this, and do you know, it's working.

On Monday, I went for a 3km run and logged it on Strava. I decided to try a different park to the one I normally go running in, and it was fantastic: proper hills and undulating ground, a real challenge. Plus I discovered a little corner of the park led to the local nature reserve - how come I did not know this?

Also on Monday, my trial Taste card arrived (follow the link to get yours - 50% or 241 deals on restaurant meals). I started thinking about where I could use it, and we have booked a birthday meal at a lovely hotel in the countryside that we never knew existed before. How do we know it's lovely? Well, we decided to cycle there on Tuesday! Again, I logged the ride on Strava on the way there, so I know I cycled 13km that night. On the way there, we saw how the yellow broom contrasted beautifully with the purple thistle flowers at the side of the cycle path. On the way back, we came home via the N6 in the dark and it was pretty spooky - it's got massively overgrown since I walked down there last weekend. It was as if the broom, thistles and nettles were reaching out to grab me. Eek! Not so pretty now...

Last night, I suggested a lovely evening walk to OH and I showed him how I had found the entrance to the nature reserve so near to us. We walked through fields with hundreds of rabbits and took a circular route back through the village, admiring the pretty cottages and stopping off at the pocket garden of Kingsthorpe church, a wild, shadowy lovely place with tumbledown Victorian gravestones. OH showed me the Kings Well, a proper spring. The villagers have apparently long boasted that the spring water is purer than the stuff pumped up by the waterboard. There is a plaque telling us all this, which then advises the public not to actually drink it... well, guess who did anyway. A swift half at King William IV convinced us we  have found our new local. What a lovely evening!

Feeling pretty proud of OH who in a moment of true frugal insight decided not to buy cinema tickets to see Monty Python last weekend, saving us £37. He regretted it slightly as we watched the show live on TV and there were a lot of censored bits... but we have recorded the uncensored version shown on Tuesday. Some of the show reviews have been cruel and disparaging. Some people are idiots... As a teenager, I was perfectly happy to listen to the Monty Python album round my friend's house again and again and again, singing along to "Eric the Half a Bee." What did they expect the fellas to do? Of course it was a nostalgia trip, and I enjoyed it. And I've been walking home from the bus station singing "The Philosophers' Song" to myself all this week. And isn't Carol Cleveland just awesome!

It's been a bit of an arty week round work as there has been IF, MK Fringe and Festival of Nations going on in Milton Keynes.

Twice this week there have been some great and peculiar installations in front of the bus station.

And today the Festival of Nations was on. We missed quite a lot as the big stage and food stalls were all in Arts Central above the train station, but I did get to see a bit of Bollywood glamour with dances from the MK Hindu Association.

 And there was a lady giving away free bags of croissants. Bonus!

I've been making gooseberry jam all night, too (ah, it was a b*gger to set), so I've got something to go with them tomorrow. Sweet!

I Bet I Have Walked Further Than Either of The Proclaimers

Dear reader, as I write I am at a very weird emotional and physical state somewhere between exhaustion, elation and a weird malaise. My legs feel all twitchy and brain feels all meh. Which is precisely the opposite of what exercise is supposed to do for you.

Thanks, exercise, but I'm sticking to chocolate from now on. Sugar rush, pancreatic crash and the brief, intense buzz of artificial happiness is where it's at. Only joking - this is a flapjack and snack-free zone.

The weekend started in a pretty intense way. Our tickets for Pearl Jam were booked yonks ago, and I budgeted a kingly sum to spend on the tangential fripperies that concerts somehow impel you to, like greasy tempura, and laaaaager. However, this sum got well and truly busted. Even Eddie Vedder remarked from the stage that signs saying "4 pints plus carrier -£20" should include an actual person to carry them to you in the crowd. Some grumblings occurred regarding 'rounds'. But on the plus plus plus side there was Eddie...

"It doesn't get Eddie Vedder than this," was my favourite T-shirt slogan. Although, my brain says it in the style of Greg Wallace.

Check shirts abounded in the crowd... perhaps people still had them from their old Millets and Army & Navy purchases twenty years ago. Quite fortuitous if they were also going to the Monty Python reunion - lumberjack costume, sorted!

We did find out that if we returned 10 cups, we could get £1 back. So, we collected 100 cups from the floor. It all went on beer. Huzzah!

Not so huzzah was getting horrendously lost. I am so crap with crowds!

On Saturday, OH was working in the morning, then recovering from his very late night before his triathlon on Sunday, so it was on my lonesome that I headed to the Films on the Waterfront Festival in Midsummer Meadow.  I was really looking forward to seeing the first film Frozen, which I hadn't seen before and had heard lots of good things about.

I had my ice cream, my fizzy pop, my new picnic blanket (a bargain at 49p from Marks and Spencers). What was I missing? Some sun screen... darn it. What else?

Oh yeah... I was the only one there without a child.

Then I spotted some friends and we all had a lovely time watching this film - all for free! Unfortunately I had errands to run so couldn't stick around for Despicable Me 2 or Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs. Frozen is a great film; it's not all about squishy romance, in fact neatly subverting it. The princesses don't wear pink either. Recommended!

Yesterday, I went to watch my fella in his triathlon at Pitsford. Unfortunately, after deciding to walk there to carry picnic stuff and not break it, I arrived shortly after the event had finished.  Never mind, it was only 7 miles there.

The long and lonely N6 cycle path...

I didn't manage to walk 7 miles back though... we made it as far as a country pub where I had a £5 voucher and 5% off on further spending, so I bought him a well-deserved pint. His first Olympic Triathlon, managed in a neat 3 hours and 4 minutes. My hero!

"Where's me bike?"

Oh, yeah, he did it on his bike that he built himself too. Just had to leave it behind to have the gears looked at, but it did a stunning job.

And on the walk home, we saw these cuties. Awwww...

'Eep! 'Eeep!

with Mummy.

Anyway, that's why I am shattered. Mind, that hasn't stopped me making more yoghurt and bread tonight. Oh and I made some paneer the other day which has gone into some yummy saag paneer for lunchypops tomorrow.

On Not Getting Trouted.

I came home on Thursday night after doing a particularly frugaltastic bit of shopping and I felt like this.

Weird, because I'd gone to Morrison's

However, after reviewing my post, seeing some bills that I forgotten all about and not budgeted for, I felt like this.

Yes, I'd put my bags down. They do mask a lot of problem areas.

One of my revenue streams has dried up, and now I have a few extra associated costs - just as we are approaching the most expensive month for us, August, which includes a lot of travel and hotels and temptation.

IwillbuynomorebooksIwillbuynomorebooksIwillbuynomorebooksIwillbuynomorebooksIwillbuynomorebooks

And July isn't a cheap month either.

Oh blimey!

So there's nothing for it, but to try our utmost to cut corners where we can. But there's a catch... we cannot cut corners as far as health is concerned, and our diet must be tip-top to enable me to shed a bit of excess pud, and OH to be event-ready. Him being an athlete and all that.

OH is the fella on the left. When he next sees a finish line, it will be after a much, much, longer race. Eek! Yep, they're holding hands. No, I don't know who the other fella is.

Did you see The World's Best Diet last week? What an eye-opener! As different as the world's healthiest diets were from each other, though, it seemed clear to me where each improved on the typical British diet, including mine. Apparently, the typical British diet consists of three principle ingredients: potatoes, flour and vegetable oil. The three principle ingredients of my diet are flapjacks, cider and any cake going. But that's not better just because flapjacks have super-healthy oats in them, boo.

Will this frugal-ish floozy be able to change her sweet, cheap ways?

Until yesterday, I'd managed to spend mere pennies and got a substantial amount of food in, thanks to some voucher-tastic shopping. As much as I hate the gutter press, as a past-recipient of mucky Murdoch money for my work in publishing, I can't be proud. So it was with just a few qualms that I bought a newspaper that informed me that Jade, 22, has mammary glands, bully for her. I hope they give her some comfort in her dotage, or at least a cranny for secluding her Murray mints. In the newspaper was a voucher for £5 fruit and veg which I happily trundled to Morrison's, along with a couple of other vouchers I wanted to use. I'd heard online about people buying up several copies, being made to leave the shop and come back rather than put through different baskets as different transactions... and it was the first time I'd heard the expression 'trout', a particularly derisive term applied to a checkout assistant - usually female - who hates money-off coupons and tries to find any way they can of not putting it through. Well, my vouchers got queried, but it was no 'trout', just a lovely, polite young girl who wasn't used to vouchers and had been through a bit of a baptism of fire learning the job on a big voucher day. But we were soon able to sort things out with her supervisor and with a spend of just £1.12, I got all this!

mushrooms; YS grapes; multi-grain bread mix; cola; cassava; apples, spuds; turmeric root; peppers; melon; lettuce

We managed to have access to a car yesterday to buy enough cat food and non-food shopping for July and beyond, also, we have in some treats from the Northampton Food Festival. We have spent just under a third of our July budget, so the challenge is on to keep spending as low as possible for the rest of the month.

So, not to dwell on the negatives, here's all the fun stuff I've done this week:

Dawn O'Porter can sod off learn a lot from Vintage Vixen.

Seriously... there is no need to spend so much money on your clothes, lady! Personally, I am always rocking the vintage with clothes that are chazza'd; schwinged or hand-me-upped. As yet another building collapsed last week on top of underpaid garment workers in Chenai, the benefits of buying vintage mean that you can go some way to avoid being complicit in exploitation and corporate manslaughter, as well as avoiding perfectly good clothes ending up in landfill. However, I think it's rather unfortunate that Dawn Porter's programme This Old Thing focuses so much on rich Londonistas who would rather pay £500 for a dress from the 80s than be thought of as cheap. That's not going to sway the opinion of someone who'd happily pay high street prices and buy often, rather than save up and invest in their going out-out outfit. Please can you think of us lesser mortals, Dawn?

Last week, I ended up buying a new outfit from the high street as I needed to avoid wearing black, red, or white for a wedding, I was not confident with what I could mix and match from my current wardrobe, and I'd wavered over some options available in the charity shops. In the end I found this dress in Dotty P, which was entirely made in the EU. Joy! Already in the sale, I haggled it down from £32 to £13 as it was missing the belt and had a small pull. Trying to think like Vix, I accessorised up with DM Dolly shoes in pink and white (£20 from the outlet stall years ago), a silver bolero (£3 in a New Look sale) and my hair slide and clutch from my own wedding. My brooch was made by Lauren of Skulls and Robots for my birthday. My hair started out Goldfrapp-crazy but had calmed down by this point - a mix of ragging on the bottom and pin-curling on top.

Eyes on the Prize

You know those little trader magazines that pop through the door - the ones you probably put straight in the recycling bin? Well, I scanned through the last one and spotted a competition to win 4 tickets to see Horrible Histories at the theatre. I didn't win... but I was next on the list when the winners couldn't take the prize. Yay! I offered the prize to my brother and has family but was able to take the 4th ticket. A great night out - and winning the prize saved us £64. It was an incredibly tight production for the tiny cast of 4, with a few props, and scenery all done as a computer-animated background, which is 3D for the second half. It was so well done, and really, really funny. Age-appropriate, of course. Here is Boudicca with the Romans, who 'beat up' her kids...

Boudicca was awesome - a great singing voice, very expressive and great comic timing

My nephew, who is 5, took off his 3D glasses as there were rather a lot of skulls and bats flying into his face, which he found a bit disconcerting. Great for kids who like spooky and gory. And for not-so-grown-up aunties.

Lovin' Northampton

Yesterday, we were spoilt for choice with good stuff in Northampton. First, OH and I went for a healthy march up to Delapre Abbey where we hoped to learn about the Battle of Northampton.

Medieval people. Sitting about. That's getting medieval on yo' ass!

We went round the exhibition, and an expert was due to lead a walk which we were interested in, but we realized we would miss the battle demo, so we gave it a miss. But with mot much else going on, we decided to head into town to go to the Northampton Food Festival instead in the beautiful Guildhall, totally free entry.

First, we went to a no-cooking cooking demo by Ondine Hartgroves, who despite the venue restrictions, was able to demonstrate how to make ceviche cod, and made us tortilla biscuits to eat that with, and seared beef salad wraps for which she made a gorgeous, fresh and fragrant salsa verde.

We sampled various lovely local ales and ciders.

And we met these lovely people from Beckworth Emporium, happily only  a cycle ride away from us, and an outlet for many local producers, as well as nursery, winter ice-rink, and theatrical venue. They are staging a production of Pride and Prejudice on Friday 1st and Saturday 2nd August. Oh, Mr. Darcy!

I have also been doing some baking, which will feature in a follow-up post.

The Long Haul

Apologies...

Apologies, dear reader, for my absence. Life suddenly got very hectic. I have been doing so much work in the evenings I've not had time for my blog. Neither have I had a lot of heart as some of our financial plans were thwarted by unforeseen circumstances. Dur du-duuur! I see this blog as being about positivity, and need to be in a chipper frame of mind to write that way, hence I didn't write. However, plans are adjusted following our disappointment, so the mood lighting of this scene is a tad warmer and accompanied by some soft jazz. Chill... everything's gonna work out just fine...

Hello, hello?

 

Hello new follower, Bruce! Welcome.  I promise it's not always this chaotic round here. 

I am a Horror Writer. Welcome to my Darkplace...

Author... Dreamweaver...

What a couple of weeks I have had!  Over in writer/editor/science fiction land I have been working like crazy. A short  story has been finished and sent to my editor for publication a little later this year,  and I have been busy with BSFA Award stuff too. They will be announced next week. Editorial work has been taking up most of my time, though. I'm currently working on a memoir for a private commission at the moment which is very intensive, but the old East End character of the writer's voice shines through, so I'm thrilled to be helping with what will be a lovely and unique family heirloom. 

Over on the Northampton Science Fiction Writers Group blog, co-Chairman Ian Whates has summarised everything we've been up to in 2013. It already looks like this year is going to be even busier. Except I'm not getting married again. Apart from that, really, really busy.

One thing OH and I are getting up to this year is script-writing with comedian Tom Young, the purposes of which I will keep shush for now. Very excited about this project though. A clue... it's pretty geeky.

If Your Name's Not on the List, You Might Still Be Able to Get In, I'll Just Check...

I have also been bouncing again.  This time for Robin Ince, who this time came to NN with Jo Neary (who I performed with in the old Fishmarket a couple of years back),  George Egg and Grace Petrie. What a marvellous night! Robin was doing his Dirty Book Club - like the Bad Book Club, only more sexah.  My verdict: very, very funny - all of them. I  love Grace Petrie's songs, too; I have been listening to her for a while.  Also, I got to try maple bacon as cooked by George Egg. Egg does bacon pancakes very well. This might sound like I was so impressed with the acts I ended up staying for breakfast,  oo-er, but it was an act thing and I don't want to describe it in detail,  as you may very well go and see him do it,  which you should. 

Robin Ince: dressing like he means it.

I've Seen Bigger...

I have also been complaining. I'd like to say my complaints were always as successful as this one. You know about Mars' recent health-drive to save us calories? Well, they've improved the recipe and downsized their chocolate bars. Very worthy, and I can't argue with that. But I did take exception to paying for a load of air.

But I got an apology from them - their cutting machines had cut my bar too short they reckoned. And a sweet £2 voucher. Get in!

Scratting About

I also gained 25p in 'Found money' this week for my Sealed Pot Challenge. I put a quid's leftover change in 20p pieces into OH's much depleted Doctor Who DVD collection, and earned my first Quidco cashback. 69p. Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick!

  

I Appear to Have Gone Bananas

 So, I left you on a bit of a cliffhanger.  What did I do with the rest of the bananas? 

Well,  I made chutney.  So you can breathe now.  Right after you've stopped spluttering.  Banana chutney? Yes indeed.  Very lush it is too. 

 

*Imagine here a picture of the actual chutney I haven't taken yet*

We're talking 8s and 9s here

 I used: 5 overripe bananas

1 wrinkly Golden Delicious

8 pitted chopped dates

1 red chilli (this was a yellow sticker buy)

3 really small onions from a  savers bag - one medium one would be equivalent

pinch salt

250ml white wine vinegar

100g soft brown sugar

1 tablespoon ground ginger

Really was as simple as frying the onions and spices, adding the fruit and vinegar, then the sugar, bubbling it away for a bit, then storing it in jars as you would jam. I sterilised my jars first, and added a greaseproof disc to the top of the chutney. This stops the metal tainting the chutney. Then, to properly seal, I boiled the closed jars in some water for a few minutes. A great way of using up fruit that's no good for eating as fruit anymore.